Leaving a Faith

How do you find your way in a wide-open world? How do you make authentic decisions, heal from trauma, and manage family relationships?

When you walk into a church there’s a sign on the door telling you its name. You might see a mission statement printed on one of the walls. You can ask for a pamphlet that lets you know exactly what the church believes.

When you walk out of a church, there are no signs telling you where you are, there is no clearly stated mission, there is no list of things to believe.

When You Leave Your Faith You Step into a World Full of Possibility but You Might Feel a Lack of Direction

Religious beliefs connect to every part of yourself. Like an intricate system of gears, when one gear gets removed the whole system grinds to a halt. Your former religion’s statement of faith may not have officially said anything about your personal goals, relationship values, or life decisions, but those were certainly part of your former religious identity. How do you set new goals and values now? Losing your faith likely set off a chain reaction of upheaval that was exhilarating, frightening, wonderful, and maybe terrible all at the same time.

Loss of faith does not happen overnight; the process of change starts long before you realize that you no longer believe. The first half of your journey may have been defined by feeling like things were not making sense anymore. That experience prompted you to leave your faith, and now you are ready to begin the next phase of your journey.

Now, you are probably beginning to think more about the future than the past. How are you going to find your way to the life you want to lead? How do you choose among all the different possibilities, and how are you going to reconstruct your past experiences into your new future?

Leaving a Faith Opens the Door to New Experiences – and New Risks

Seeking out new spiritual perspectives, joining new communities, and further developing your identity is exciting but not easy. Some new experiences can painful or disappointing. You might also feel nervous about trying new things or feel like time is passing you by.

Parts of your old religious identity that governed how you feel about new experiences can show up in unexpected ways. Many people find themselves unpleasantly reliving experiences that remind them of painful religious memories. For example, if you had a controlling mentor in a church, you might unwittingly find yourself in a similar relationship outside of the church. Calculating safety and risk is hard when everything in life feels new.

How Do You Distinguish between the Familiar, the Unfamiliar, and What Is Authentic to You?

Parts of your former religious identity may never leave you. Other things might leave your life for a time and come back to you later. Some new experiences will leave you cold, but some will transform your world for the better. It’s not just about holding onto the past or letting it go, it’s about the process of coming to terms with the person you want to be. Therapy can help you work through these questions of authenticity. Learning how to flow through the stages of change and shift your strategy to meet the needs of the moment can help you find your way to an authentic life.